According to Michelle Mays, betrayal-trauma specialist, many partners, whose significant others have problematic sexual behaviors, claim that they had no idea of what was going on with their significant other. Mays hears their stories and their shock and bewilderment, but at the same time she claims they might have actually known what was going on after all. This is where denial comes into play. Signs of condoms, pornography, and earlier infidelity are often evidence over-looked.
“Today, thanks to an enormous amount of research on attachment, affect regulation, and the mind-body connection, we have new models that help us dig deeper and better understand the function and purpose of these knowing-but-not-knowing behaviors,” says Mays.
Where does denial come from?
Attachment. When forming a meaningful relationship, partners experience a deep connection that intertwines their lives. This is very healthy and does not indicate codependency. These relationships provide comfort, security and other physical and psychological benefits. When a partner acts out sexually, this can easily cause fear and a threat to these benefits.
When we respond to this threat, we have three options. We fight and confront the situation, we flee from the situation, or we freeze. When we freeze, we go numb and witness the situation unfolding without much fight. This allows the partner to stay in the perceived comfort zone of the relationship. This is refereed to as “betrayal blindness” and thought to be an unconscious process meant to protect us from these traumatic events.
We understand that discovering your partner, spouse, or loved one is a sex addict or has betrayed you is traumatic, overwhelming, and shocking. Many partners report feeling betrayed, alone, angry, broken, embarrassed, ashamed, sadness, disgust, afraid, and confused. Please know that you are not alone. We are here to help support you through this incredibly traumatic experience.
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Sex is vulnerable. And with our human bodies, many unexpected things could happen turning a hot and intimate encounter into an embarrassing one. So, what happens when things don't go as planned?
A recent article from Psychologytoday.com show us 7 simple fixes for 7 awkward moments:
Looking to improve your sexual experiences? Let our Sexperts at SHAW Center for Healing guide you to a happy, fun and healthy sex life.
To read the full article, check it out here:
We have a lot of misconceptions about relationships, according to Mark Mason. We idealize romance, which often times get]s in the way of having a realistic relationship. In his latest article, Mason details 6 common trends in relationships that most think are healthy, but are actually detrimental to the fabric of the partnership:
Do any of these challenges occur in your relationship? If so, let our experts at SHAW Center for Healing help you resolve your relationship troubles and guide you to a healthier, happier partnership.
Check out the full article here: https://markmanson.net/6
Abusive relationships are an all too real thing in today’s society. So, what causes people to stay? Sometimes individuals stay because of the deep connection they have formed, and sometimes there are other reasons. One thing that’s true though is that abusive relationships are unhealthy and detrimental to both involved. Leaving may seem impossible, but it does not have to be.
Here’s a list of 5 steps for leaving an abusive relationship:
1. Remember, the abuse is real. All too often, it has been found that the abused person minimizes and disregards the abuse that is occurring. Hint: If it feels like abuse, then most likely it is.
2. Remember, help is available and ready for you. There are many organizations that have been formed just for this reason. One such organization is National Domestic Violence Hotline who can provide shelter, legal services and group therapy when needed. They can be reached at: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224.
3. When reaching out for help over the internet, be sure to hide your activities. This is a critical time for you seeking help. Be sure that your abuser can’t prevent any progress by knowing your plans.
4. Don’t forget the underlying reasons for falling into a dysfunctional relationship in the first place. Is it low self-esteem or depression? Both can make it hard to leave when the abuse begins. Reaching out to a therapist can help you gain the confidence you might need to leave the relationship.
5. Explore what caused you to stay so that you don't fall into another similar situation. Psychotherapy is a great way to explore yourself in a safe, supportive environment, where you can examine patterns and develop new tools for healthier relationships.
Are you in a abusive relationship? If so, remember: There is a way out. Let our experts at SHAW Center for Healing guide you as you restore yourself in a safe supportive environment.
To learn more, check out the full article here:
Sex addiction takes a toll on not only the addict but also on any romantic partners and/or family members that may be involved. In the beginning, there is generally a lot of focus on getting the sex addict into recovery. It is equally important that partners and family members begin their own journey of recovery.
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